Saturday, January 24, 2009

It's Alright to Say No

Saying NO! You can still Feel Good About Yourself

Many people find it very difficult to say no when someone makes a request of them. They believe that saying no is offensive and uncaring. They will say yes even when they know they really don't want to do it or don't even have the time to do it. However, saying no is an important skill to learn and say from time to time. It is definitely not a bad thing to do. Keep the following information in mind the next time someone asks you do something so you can say no and still feel good about yourself.
1. It is important to remember that saying no is a choice, not a requirement. In any situation, you have the choice to either say yes or say no. Because saying no is as much of a choice as saying yes, that means they are both good and acceptable answers.
2. You think of yourself as a person of integrity. You take pride in being known as a person who gets things done when they make a commitment and won't let anyone down. You can't say no. Yes you can. To be a person of integrity means saying no sometimes. Saying no simply means that you want to stay true to the commitments you have made.
3. Keep your priorities in mind. Priorities give our life more clarity and show us the path to follow. Priorities play a large role in the decisions we make and whether to say yes or no to a request. Saying no to the things that are not on your priority list is perfectly acceptable.
4. Become more empowered. Empowerment is the process of increasing the capacity of an individual to make choices and to transform those choices into desired actions and outcomes.
5. To free yourself from the guilt associated with turning down a friend or family member, keep in mind that by saying no you are voicing your opinion, standing up for rights and becoming the sole proprietor of your life. Affirm this fact every morning. It's better than asking yourself how you got into so much by saying yes all the time.
6. Saying no is not a sign of weakness. It is actually a sign of strength. It indicates that you know your own strengths, abilities and limitations. If you don't want to say no, then learn to say 'not right now' instead. Compare how you feel when you say yes to something and want to do it to when you say yes to something and really wanted to say no. When you do something because you really want to, you will have positive feelings and outlook on fulfilling your promise. If you said yes and wanted to say no, your feelings are going to be different. Perhaps these emotions come to mind: frustration, anger, resentment, and stress. Do you want to feel positive or negative? Go with your gut reaction.
7. Being assertive by saying no is not a negative trait and is not a form of confrontation or disrespect, as some people may think. It shows that you have self-respect and self-esteem and that you know you are not responsible for everybody and everything.
8. You should never feel bad about saying no to being asked to do something which conflicts with your values or morals.
9. When you need to say no to a request, it's fine to give an explanation. Perhaps you don't feel you have the skills, time or resources to complete the request. And saying no because I need time for myself is perfectly fine too. Feel good knowing that you were honest and up front with the other person.
10. Minimize the stress involved with saying no by smoothing out the transition by using these three easy steps: (1) acknowledge the request ('Thank you for thinking of me.'); (2) convey your circumstances ('After reviewing my calendar, I don't have the time'); (3) minimize the saying of no ('Maybe next time' or 'Have you considered?').
11. Saying no can allow you to try new things. Just because you have always helped plan the company picnic does not mean that you have to keep doing it forever. Saying no can free up time for you to pursue other hobbies and interests.
12. Remember that yes is not always going to be the best answer. If you are already over committed, you have a much better chance of getting sick, tired and crabby, which won't benefit anyone else either.
13. Many good causes may land at your door and it can be tough to turn them down. Complimenting the person or group's efforts while saying that you are not able to commit at this time helps to soften the blow and keeps you in good graces and feeling good.this is a clip from a newsletter
Saying no is something you should teach your children. And if someone tells you that you owe them because of something they did for you or gave to you, then do not accept anything from that person again. It's great to help other's, but not if its at great expense to you emotionally, physically or financially. And certainly not if you are taken advantage of or taken for granted.

1 comment:

Eco Chick said...

I agree. I should start saying no more. I always get roped into volunteering to be scout mom, car pool mom etc.